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Saturday, March 1st, 2003

Subject:As if you didn't already notice...
Time:3:45 am.
This journal is dead. I might make a new one, but i'm not sure. I'll either write more later or make something new. Sit tight.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, January 2nd, 2003

Subject:Shellac "Prayer to God" Lyrics
Time:11:35 pm.
Just thought of this song again...its psychotic, but I love it.

To the one true God above:
here is my prayer -
not the first you've heard, but the first I wrote.
(not the first, but the others were a long time ago).
There are two people here, and I want you to kill them.
Her - she can go quietly, by disease or a blow
to the base of her neck,
where her necklaces close,
where her garments come together,
where I used to lay my face...
That's where you oughta kill her,
in that particular place.
Him - just fucking kill him, I don't care if it hurts.
Yes I do, I want it to,
fucking kill him but first
make him cry like a woman,
(no particular woman),
let him hold out, hold back
(someone or other might come and fucking kill him).
Fucking kill him.
Kill him already, kill him.
Fucking kill him, fucking kill him,
Kill him already, kill him,
Just fucking kill him! {repeats "death mantra"
Comments: Add Your Own.

Tuesday, December 24th, 2002

Subject:Updates
Time:5:37 pm.
Yeah, I know. I haven't updated in a long while. I've been trying to get school stuff out of the way in order that I can work on some poetry. In which case, that would be the reason faustmusik hasn't been updated for quite awhile, but it will be for sure soon. I'm really behind on lots of stuff and trying to catch up. Mostly, I have been writing in my Brent journal, upickaddict, so check that out and my fan site for Brent if you feel like it. I know, yeah. I'm in love with a kids show host. Yeah, its laughable...sure. OH well, I don't know if I care much anymore.

Not much has been going on here. I've been home from school for quite awhile and just dealing with makeup work. I can't wait to be completely finished because i'm sick of being run around like a hamste on a wheel, doing all this crap that should make me feel better about myself, but doesn't because no one really cares. I would give anything to be in a different place right now, give anything to be feeling better about myself. I've just been taking it one day at a time and trying to be happier. I am planning on hopefully moving to New York when I get out of here and taking a good job doing something I enjoy. I have so many interests that its hard to decide which way to go, in which case, i'm doing all I can to get things dealt with. I'm really bumming out anymore because all the things I seem to do don't mean much to anyone and its really making me annoyed. I shouldn't give a damn though, and do what I like, but its hard to even do that.

I am hoping that Christmas is alright. It should be pretty fun, I guess. I'm just not looking forward to all the stuff I have to do that goes along with it. I'm not that hyper about it at all..haven't been because I pretty much have no one to share it with. New Years will be different because at least i'll have friends around...but, gone out of their mind friends. "New Years II: The End of the World As We Know It" is surely going to take place early New Years Night and go on until about 4 AM or so. Good lord, its going to be absolutely fucking nuts. :) From the stuff I heard, it should be quite interesting...so hold onto your hats, I might have stories later on. :) Plus, the last Tru-Dat night... :( Good lord that's sad. :( But at the same time, it should be pretty cool...pretty interesting..and pretty damn fun. We'll see what happens though. :)

I don't have much to say over that. I'm still pining over Brent like usual. :) Yay for Brent and New York and getting out of here...and reclaiming my sanity. Its a silly dream i'm sure, but its about all I have left anymore...along with the few friends I do have.

Merry Christmas and Happy Fucking New Year. :)
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, December 19th, 2002

Subject:Interpol "NYC"
Time:1:32 am.
Brent Popolizio...... :)


I had seven faces thought i knew which one to wear
I'm sick of spending these lonely nights training myself not to care
the subway is a porno pavements they are a mess
i know you've supported me for a long time
somehow i'm not impressed

New York Cares (got to be some more change in my life)
New York Cares (got to be some more change in my life)
New York Cares (got to be some more change in my life)
New York Cares (got to be some more change in my life)

subway she is a porno and the pavements they are a mess
i know you've supported me for a long time
somehow i'm not impressed

It's up to me now turn on the bright lights
It's up to me now turn on the bright lights

New York Cares (got to be some more change in my life)
New York Cares (got to be some more change in my life)
New York Cares (got to be some more change in my life)
New York Cares (got to be some more change in my life)

It's up to me now turn on the bright lights
(got to be some more change in my life)
oh, It's up to me now turn on the bright lights
(got to be some more change in my life)
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:Interpol "Stella Was a Diver and She Was Always Down" Lyrics
Time:1:29 am.
Mood: contemplative.
That's my name..don't wear it out..... :)



When she walks down the street
she knows there’s people watching
the building fronts are just fronts
to hide the people watching her
she once fell through the street
down the manhole in a that bad way
the underground trip
it's just like a scuba day

she was all right cause the sea was so airtight she broke away
she was all right cause the sea was so airtight she broke away
she was all right but she can't come out tonight she broke away
she was all right yeah the sea was so tight, air-tight
she broke away broke away
she broke away broke away
she broke away broke away
she broke away

stella….

bottom of the ocean she dwells
bottom of the ocean she dwells
(noses) carressed by fingers
bad blue serpent swells

stella
stella
oh stella

stella i love you stella i love you stella i love you
she was all right cause the sea was so airtight she broke away
she was all right cause the sea was so airtight she broke away
she was all right but she can't come out tonight she broke away
she was all right yeah the sea was so tight, air-tight
she broke away broke away
she broke away broke away
she broke away broke away
she broke away

well she was my catatonic sex toy love-drunk diver
well she was my catatonic sex toy love-drunk diver
she went down down down there into the sea
she went down down down there down there for me

right on
oh yeah
right on
it’s so good
oh yeah
right on
it’s so good
oh yeah
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Thursday, December 12th, 2002

Subject:New Brentaholics Stuff
Time:11:39 pm.
Mood: accomplished.
More entries coming soon. Might write one tomorrow when I get back and work on poetry.

Here's some new links for now:

http://www.livejournal.com/community/upickfanforum (My U-Pick Live Community)
http://www.livejournal.com/community/gospelofbrent (My Brent Popolizio Community)
http://www.livejournal.com/users/upickaddict (My journal chronicling Brent's journey....)
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Happy E-mail!!!
Time:11:00 am.
This is most definately one of the happier e-mails i've gotten all week. :)

Hey Stella,

You got it right! Brent is the drummer in Moto Star and that is our band.
The web site you found is our temp web site. We are in the process of
putting together a bunch of new stuff, like music, new photos and shows.
I am more than happy to sell your our EP, Looking for Someone. The new EP,
self titled Moto Star, will be available next month. You can buy the old EP
directly from me. Please do forward me your fan club info on Brent. I would love
to put a link on our site to yours.
Brent is awesome. He is one of my best friends in the world. He would be so
happy to know you are interested in his life and work.
Thanks a bunch and take care.

Victoria
Moto Star
------------------
Victoria Gross
metaTechnik
146 W. 29th St. suite 7E
NY, NY 10001
www.metatechnik.com
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Damn Straight... :)
Time:1:04 am.
Mood: blah.
Nihilist%20Bear
Which Dysfunctional Care Bear Are You?

brought to you by Quizilla
Comments: Add Your Own.

Wednesday, December 11th, 2002

Subject:What a FUCKING BUMMER!!!!!!!!!!
Time:1:52 pm.
I'm really depressed. Shiner's breaking up, and now Mary from Stereolab was run over and killed while riding her bike. Fuck!!!!

http://www.pitchforkmedia.com/news/02-12/11.shtml :(

Got this from Drew...that really sucks :(
Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Update: Brentaholics, etc.
Time:3:54 am.
Mood: hopeful.
I know I haven't updated my journal for a long time, for good reasons. I haven't really updated because the things i'm going through I don't see a point in telling people much about. I have too much bottled up in my head to even bring up lately. I've been sick of being so fucking open with people. Mostly therefore, I've said fuck it. Be myself, go through every day telling myself and knowing that I can get through all this bullshit on my own. And I haven't updated because I haven't wanted to look back on something that I didn't think I was fully explaining. I've been doing work, the Tru-Dat fan club is kicking major ass, the Brentaholics club I just started...well, it'll be doing well in good time. You can plan on it. Check it out and if you need me to, i'll explain what's going on behind it...http://groups.yahoo.com/group/brentaholicsanonymous

I'm going to kick ass. I know I will, if its not now, it'll be later. I don't give a damn what people think. Thursday when I go interview my former poetry teacher...of which I have to for my internship, i'm going to throw a bunch of my poetry at him afterwards, and leave. He can have it, he can laugh at it, he can tear it up. I've decided I don't give a damn what he thinks. I've decided i'm just going to give it to him because after this I will never see him again and I'll never care what he thinks anyway. I've given up on pleasing the people here. I've given up on doing anything except for rebelling against anything I was already doing that wasn't doing anything but pissing myself off. I will be a kick ass author. Chris and I are mostly together on this persuit, wanting to be kick ass authors that we are. And I know that we will be. And maybe i'll write a book with him someday for all I know. All i've decided is that despite all this bullshit i'm going through and despite anyone else's crap, I am myself and I don't feel like being kicked around. Its a pain in the ass to be an individual, but at the same time, it has to be done for me..at least for right now.

I've just been telling myself that i'm better than all the negativity i've been put or put myself through. I don't know that I really need anyone anymore. I know that I'll get out of here, get my own place and be independant. I've gotten used to the loneliness racket, even if it does tend to suck on occasion, and in that sense, I will continue to be alone until I know i've found the right person for me. I don't see a point in looking for it anymore. I will go to it when I feel its right or it will come to me. I don't feel the need to be in mindless relationships, with meaningless sex, or with meaningless anything...at this point, I want something real whatever the fuck its going to be. And i'm working on finding that peace I thought i'd never be able to find. I'm so close to being away from all this bullshit and all the stress of being a certain way around these stupid people I don't want to be anything to. I'm sick of being tugged at negatively because of who I am. All I've been doing is being a fucking puppet for anyone.

Reminds me of some advice I got...."Fuck everyone. At the end of the day, its only you that matters. Love yourself." Yeah, i'm tending to try and take that advice for some part. But at the same time, I want to find the right people that want to be around me. I feel like I have only found those people to some extent in my life. I want more friends definately. Friends that really want to be around me. Even if i've felt myself to be ugly and for all I know, there's still some hatred in myself deep down inside. I'll make it go away. I'm going to make all the bullshit go away, whether anyone is with me or not. So if you're with me...then listen to me, if you're not...then go about things your way, don't worry about me. I'll be a famous author, whether you believe in me or not. All i've heard also is that if you're in English, you have to be cocky. I guess I have to get into that attitude of being cocky. I did a reading the other night, was still nervous. Guess what? Next semester, i'm going to try and go to every Open Mic at Campus Perk and read my stuff. To hell with worrying about what people think!

I am hopeful about the letter I wrote. Lets just say, the person I want to hear from...I have a feeling will understand what i'm talking about. I got this jubilant hope in my body after sleep earlier today that made me really want to smile, and I did...and I'm going to make myself smile no matter how hard things get, even if I do cry. The crying will go away, it'll pass because all this pain will go away. Nothing else matters, but me feeling and getting better. And I will get better, believe me. I've worked too hard to give up.
Comments: Add Your Own.

Friday, November 29th, 2002

Subject:Another Girl's Paradice: The Chicago Show
Time:9:35 pm.
The Chicago show I went to was AWESOME. Beautiful. I didn't get to go to the other or Border's of which i'm depressed about. I feel like I really suck except for the fact that I got to see her in Chicago the one time..only bummed slightly because I wasn't close enough to see her face very well. :(
I hate that I couldn't be up front or at least closer. I got really bummed because I couldn't meet her. It'll happen eventually maybe or not at all. I wanted so much to give her my poetry. :( I don't even know how to do it now. I'm bummed out only because I didn't feel I did enough...that I couldn't see her very well was a bummer and I wish I could have been able to get better seats. Tori means a lot to me. I cried a lot during the show Wednesday, practically bawled my eyes and screamed my lungs out. I couldn't help it....she's awesome. I wish I could have been able to meet her though. I feel really crummy for not being there tonight, but i'm always broke. :( OH well...I can't do much about it. Lovely show..BEAUTIFUL. When she played Carnival, I about died. I would love to hear Suede live... I LOVE ADORE that song. One of my poems I wrote was based on that song and it was going to be important that I gave it to her. I tried to get someone who was going to the Border's signing to give them to her somehow, but I doubt she got to do it. Oh well.... I should stop being so bummed out, but I can't help it. Seeing Tori even hearing Tori helps to numb all the pain and all the bullshit I go through every single day. Its so hard to even want to go on anymore. I'm totally isolated. I'm not trying to tell a sob story for the sake of s sob story here or anything, but its REALLY important. Thanks for listening to my rambling.
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Sunday, November 17th, 2002

Subject:Ugh..what is this world coming to? (bad pun)
Time:2:26 am.
http://cnn.netscape.cnn.com/news/

Um...yeah. Pee Wee Herman. What a NOT surprise.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Monday, November 11th, 2002

Subject:New Journal
Time:10:38 pm.
http://www.livejournal.com/users/faustmusik

New journal for my poetry and general thoughts.
For Christmas, as part of my presents, i'm getting a paid account,
which is awesome because I've been wanting one. :)
Comments: Read 2 orAdd Your Own.

Friday, November 8th, 2002

Subject:Feelings...
Time:6:55 am.
Go ahead, rip me up if you want. There's no reason to hide anyway.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/depression
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, November 7th, 2002

Subject:Anime Update
Time:11:37 pm.
ADV FILMS ANNOUNCES LAUNCH OF THE ANIME NETWORK(tm) ON DIGITAL CABLE

FOR THE FIRST TIME, QUALITY ANIME PROGRAMMING TO BE AVAILABLE ON CABLE TELEVISION 24 HOURS A DAY

HOUSTON, November 6, 2002-ADV Films today announced publicly the creation of The Anime Network(tm), the first television channel in North America dedicated to anime (Japanese animation) and anime-related content. The Anime Network(tm) targets the nation's estimated 85 million cable television subscribers, and seeks to capitalize on cable's increasing dominance in the world of at-home entertainment.

Initially announced in June, 2002 at ADV Films' 10th Anniversary party in Tokyo, and announced in the U.S. at ADV's November 2 invitation-only 10th Anniversary party in Houston, the creation of The Anime Network(tm) has the industry abuzz with excitement and speculation.

"This has been in the works for some time," said ADV Films President, Founder and CEO John Ledford. "Until now, the market and the culture haven't been ready for it. But today ever-increasing numbers of Americans are becoming familiar with anime and its distinctive aesthetic; they're curious about anime, they're hungry for it, and The Anime Network(tm) is going to deliver it right to their televisions."

Competitive Advantage
While existing cable outlets have enjoyed strong ratings with limited blocks of anime and anime-inspired animated programming, The Anime Network(tm) will make fine anime programming available to viewers 24 hours a day.

"The Anime Network(tm) is the next logical step," said Ledford. "The television outlets that currently carry anime aren't meeting the potential demand; they offer very limited selections of titles, and only during very restricted hours. The Anime Network(tm) will change all of that, and we're excited to be leading the revolution."

Content
The Anime Network(tm) model is structured around four categorized content areas: Action Zone, Sci-Fi, Comedy Incorrect, and Horror/Martial Arts. These categories are designed to include virtually the entire spectrum of quality anime, while contextualizing content for new viewers unfamiliar with specific titles.

Coming Up
Coming soon, releases detailing geographic/service provider availability of The Anime Network,(tm) along with information about whom viewers can call regarding local availability; also, a sneak preview of programming that will be available in The Anime Network(tm)'s first months.

About ADV Films:
In 1992, ADV Films (ADV) began to forge the international market for Japanese animation ("anime") by combining unique titles, outstanding production values and efficient large-scale distribution. Today, ADV is the #1 producer-distributor of Japanese animation to the North American market, with the firm's holdings including such premier titles as "Spriggan", "Sailor Moon," "Samurai X," "Medabots," "Robotech," "Gasaraki" and "Neon Genesis Evangelion." ADV has also expanded into other forms of genre programming, including live-action science fiction programs "Gene Roddenberry's Andromeda" and "Farscape," and classic science fiction such as "Gamera: Guardian of the Universe." Headquartered in Houston, Texas, USA, with additional offices in the EU and Japan, and distribution on four continents, ADV is fast becoming an international entertainment powerhouse. For more information, visit ADV on the web at http://www.advfilms.com.
Comments: Read 1 orAdd Your Own.

Wednesday, November 6th, 2002

Subject:For Your Information...
Time:12:15 am.
I'm just in my own personal limbo, doing my own thing.
If you don't like it, get your own damn limbo to be in.
HELP! I'M BEING VIOLATED!
Comments: Add Your Own.

Monday, November 4th, 2002

Subject:Suicide
Time:8:04 pm.

how would you commit suicide?
Comments: Add Your Own.

Thursday, October 31st, 2002

Subject:Promotion
Time:1:36 am.


Subscribe to trudataddicts





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Subscribe to trudateyecandy





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Comments: Add Your Own.

Subject:Tru-Dat Song Lyrics :)
Time:12:59 am.
Yes, they wrote these.. I love them. They're the shit. :)

Skull Fucking

I went out one night and I got really high...I was, SKULL FUCKING!
I met me a bitch with just one eye, I was...SKULL FUCKING!
Skull Fucking isn't all its cracked up to be....so if you have one
eye, leave the other eye out for me...SKULL FUCKING! SKULL FUCKING!
*******************************************************************************************************
Buoy

RIGAGEWRIGAGIGGAGIGGAGEWGEW, RIGAGIGGAGIGGARIGGIGGEW,
RIGAGEWRIGAGIGGAGIGGAGEWGEW, RIGAGIGGAGIGGAGIGGIGEW!!!
Stabbing you with my buoy while i'm naked, painted from head to toe
and so AROUSED...ugh. Stabbing you with my buoy while i'm naked,
painted from head to toe and so...I'M SO AROUSED!!
RUNGGGAAGUNGGUNGRUNGGAGAGUNGGUNGRUNGGAGAGUNGGUNGGOOO.....Row Row Row
your boat, gently down the stream...merrily merrily merrily merrily
life is but a DREEAAMM...EEAAAMMM!!!
*******************************************************************************************************
Fat Chicks

Hairy armpits and camel toe
She wears tight pants so her ass doesn't show
Her bellybutton ring weighs 435
In her purse she carries, a fork and knife
Fat Chicks make good lovers, they never know when they're going to
get it again, so smack her thigh and ride the wave in
And Fat Chicks are going to give you everything they've got, her
yearbook picture was an aerial shot

Never go to the pool, never go to the beach
I wipe her ass for her cause she can't reach
I get excited when she goes for a snack
I spend my weekends popping zits on her back
Cause Fat Chicks make good lovers, they never know when they're going
to get it again, so smack her thigh and ride the wave in
And Fat Chicks are going to give you everything they've got, it takes
an hour when she sits on the pot

FAT CHICKS GO! FAT CHICKS GO! FAT CHICKS GO REAL SLOW!
Comments: Read 12 orAdd Your Own.

Subject:Links To Check Out!
Time:12:31 am.
http://www.4-horsemen.info/Tru-Dat/

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/trudataddicts

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/trudateyecandy
Comments: Add Your Own.

LiveJournal for Lifelines and Suicide Crimes.

View:User Info.
View:Friends.
View:Calendar.
View:Website (My Poetry Live Journal: Check it Out!).
View:Memories.
You're looking at the latest 20 entries. Missed some entries? Then simply jump back 20 entries.